"HOW did I get here??" Most people cannot fathom that "someone like me" who ALWAYS took my "faith" seriously, and was a "pastor's wife", could EVER get to the place I am now. HOW did it happen? WHAT could have "led ME astray"? Shall I say, it's a LOOOOONG story! I think a lot of people might have suspected that I would eventually "backslide" during this process... because I've been "out of church" for so long-- so "backsliding" is inevitable (unless I "repent", and then return to regular church attendance). However, I don't imagine ANYONE would have suspected I would EVER "deny christianity" or deny Christ/Jesus. It's SCARY and BLASPHEMEOUS to christians... yet... THAT's exactly where I am... HOW did I get here? I'll TRY to explain...
...and I *hope* you will LISTEN--with the intent to UNDERSTAND (not necessarily agree).
I suppose, looking back, it all "started" when I began to realize the error of "American Christianity"... and THAT in itself was not understood or accepted by the majority of the people I know. It has been an on-going process of learning, since that point. Learning history of "where" and "how" things began... and learning NOT to take something as TRUTH "just because it was what I had ALWAYS been TAUGHT it was." I desired to KNOW GENUINE TRUTH, not just what I've been told/taught ALL MY LIFE. I realized that IF what I'd always thought was true IS TRUE, then it would STAND in the end-- and I had nothing to fear... if it WASN'T true, I NEEDED to KNOW!! I had confidence in YHWH to keep me safe and be patient with me as I searched for HIS TRUTH-- whatever that may be (of course believing, at that point, that Christianity was true and would stand in the end of my search). So... that's where it began... my quest for TRUTH...
I started wanting to learn the Hebrew language so that I could read and understand the Scriptures for MYSELF, not depend solely on someone else's translation... because I began to find translation ERRORS in the King James version Bible from the HEBREW TEXT it was translated from. These errors were undisputed by an Orthodox Jewish Rabbi AND a Messianic ("Christian") teacher. I figured if BOTH these men-- who believed TOTALLY OPPOSITE from one another (one did NOT believe in Jesus, and one DID believe in Jesus)-- AGREED in the translation errors, then I should PAY ATTENTION! SOMETHING was WRONG here! So, I felt I NEEDED to learn to read the Hebrew Scriptures for MYSELF, no matter how LONG it would take me (and I'm STILL learning... ). In the process of learning, I began to see a DIFFERENT picture than I had been taught... which WASN'T easy, but could NOT be ignored. Along with learning the Hebrew language, I started trying to learn the ancient Hebrew culture and philosophy... and began to learn the roots of Christianity-- which actually are NOT Hebrew (as I was led to believe) but are Catholic, in the least, and PAGAN-- to the extreme. WOW! WHAT a blow!! I was astonished!
The more I began to see the tie between PAGAN beliefs/religions and Christianity... the more I could NOT hold on to such abomination to YHWH. The more I saw the hand that Constintine and the Roman Catholic church had in Christianity and the Bible... the more I could NOT uphold it as "Truth". The more I would read the "New Testament", the more I would see that it CONTRADICTED the "Old Testament" (the Tanach-- the Hebrew Scriptures). And the more I would read "the apostle Paul", the more I could see the PAGAN MYSTCISM he taught. The more I read the four accounts of "the gospel", the more I could see the blatant disobedience of YHWH's covenant and FALSE teaching... and the more I UNDERSTOOD why "the Jews" did NOT and DO NOT accept it. Then I began noticing all the songs of worship and praise, not to YHWH (VERY few!) but to Jesus... I know, "one and the same"--WRONG. I had to start looking at the "Jesus is God" issue, and all of that (Holy Ghost, etc.). THEN... I had to look at the HUMAN SACRIFICE issue... which is a TOTAL ABOMINATION to YHWH. There just became TOO MUCH error and falsehood to even try to remember to be able to explain it all to anyone else. Even now, there is SO MUCH that is WRONG, I couldn't even BEGIN to write it here. As a matter of fact, I am STILL finding error! But the further I traveled on my road of "PROVING-- to MYSELF" that Christianity is TRUE... the more I began to realize there is nothing FARTHER than the truth! :( So... I was faced with the choice of continuing to hang on to ERROR that I NOW could see is error-- or renounce it, and take hold of the truth I was (am) learning. I chose to let it go, and walk in the path of YHWH's RIGHTEOUSNESS to the best of my ability and understanding (still making many mistakes along the way).
That is a SHORTENED version of a VERY LONG process... but it may give some small idea of how I got to where I am now. If anyone has any GENUINE questions, feel free to write me!
I suppose, looking back, it all "started" when I began to realize the error of "American Christianity"... and THAT in itself was not understood or accepted by the majority of the people I know. It has been an on-going process of learning, since that point. Learning history of "where" and "how" things began... and learning NOT to take something as TRUTH "just because it was what I had ALWAYS been TAUGHT it was." I desired to KNOW GENUINE TRUTH, not just what I've been told/taught ALL MY LIFE. I realized that IF what I'd always thought was true IS TRUE, then it would STAND in the end-- and I had nothing to fear... if it WASN'T true, I NEEDED to KNOW!! I had confidence in YHWH to keep me safe and be patient with me as I searched for HIS TRUTH-- whatever that may be (of course believing, at that point, that Christianity was true and would stand in the end of my search). So... that's where it began... my quest for TRUTH...
I started wanting to learn the Hebrew language so that I could read and understand the Scriptures for MYSELF, not depend solely on someone else's translation... because I began to find translation ERRORS in the King James version Bible from the HEBREW TEXT it was translated from. These errors were undisputed by an Orthodox Jewish Rabbi AND a Messianic ("Christian") teacher. I figured if BOTH these men-- who believed TOTALLY OPPOSITE from one another (one did NOT believe in Jesus, and one DID believe in Jesus)-- AGREED in the translation errors, then I should PAY ATTENTION! SOMETHING was WRONG here! So, I felt I NEEDED to learn to read the Hebrew Scriptures for MYSELF, no matter how LONG it would take me (and I'm STILL learning... ). In the process of learning, I began to see a DIFFERENT picture than I had been taught... which WASN'T easy, but could NOT be ignored. Along with learning the Hebrew language, I started trying to learn the ancient Hebrew culture and philosophy... and began to learn the roots of Christianity-- which actually are NOT Hebrew (as I was led to believe) but are Catholic, in the least, and PAGAN-- to the extreme. WOW! WHAT a blow!! I was astonished!
The more I began to see the tie between PAGAN beliefs/religions and Christianity... the more I could NOT hold on to such abomination to YHWH. The more I saw the hand that Constintine and the Roman Catholic church had in Christianity and the Bible... the more I could NOT uphold it as "Truth". The more I would read the "New Testament", the more I would see that it CONTRADICTED the "Old Testament" (the Tanach-- the Hebrew Scriptures). And the more I would read "the apostle Paul", the more I could see the PAGAN MYSTCISM he taught. The more I read the four accounts of "the gospel", the more I could see the blatant disobedience of YHWH's covenant and FALSE teaching... and the more I UNDERSTOOD why "the Jews" did NOT and DO NOT accept it. Then I began noticing all the songs of worship and praise, not to YHWH (VERY few!) but to Jesus... I know, "one and the same"--WRONG. I had to start looking at the "Jesus is God" issue, and all of that (Holy Ghost, etc.). THEN... I had to look at the HUMAN SACRIFICE issue... which is a TOTAL ABOMINATION to YHWH. There just became TOO MUCH error and falsehood to even try to remember to be able to explain it all to anyone else. Even now, there is SO MUCH that is WRONG, I couldn't even BEGIN to write it here. As a matter of fact, I am STILL finding error! But the further I traveled on my road of "PROVING-- to MYSELF" that Christianity is TRUE... the more I began to realize there is nothing FARTHER than the truth! :( So... I was faced with the choice of continuing to hang on to ERROR that I NOW could see is error-- or renounce it, and take hold of the truth I was (am) learning. I chose to let it go, and walk in the path of YHWH's RIGHTEOUSNESS to the best of my ability and understanding (still making many mistakes along the way).
That is a SHORTENED version of a VERY LONG process... but it may give some small idea of how I got to where I am now. If anyone has any GENUINE questions, feel free to write me!